I woke up this morning with a raging sinus infection. My face hurts so freaking much. Last night I watched Inglorious Basterds with a friend. ... I didn't like it. ... Neither did he. Should I go duck and hide now? Because really, it was so unfulfilling to watch. I get that it was supposed to be a fistpump historical re-write, but I kept waiting for the movie to finally get good. Aside from a couple of laugh-out loud moments supplied by Brad Pitt (who I normally don't like watching), I was bored or annoyed. Or both. I will also NEVER forgive Tarantino for (highlight to read): the scene where Brad Pitt tortures Diane Kruger by sticking his finger in her bullethole and pressing the bullet further into her leg. UGH UGH UGH that was SO WRONG and I wanted to vomit. UGH. I could take the other violence because it was swift. That ... was just ew. Fuck you, Tarantino. Fuck you, man.

When the BCS showdown was over, I turned to my room mate Erin and said "Ingram's getting the Heisman".

Yup.

Yes, quite definitely, and Valentine's Day is worse I will say.

I think that there is pressure, but most of it is a double standard. It's more acceptable for a man to be a bachelor that a woman to be single and enjoying it. I can list off any number of examples of people who expect me to settle down now that I have graduated college, or (even more annoying) consider me to be a lesbian because I'm not attracted to every man in the store nor do I feel like I have to have a man in my life to know that I am beautiful and taken care of. On the other hand, the tight-bodied single pilots who come in the store on any given day get a wink and a nod from the crew - nothing worse.

I work at a small business. And it's the community that keeps us going when the tourists go after labor day because we all know each other and care about each other (most of the time). Mickey D's and Starbucks can't compare to us because we're face to face with everyone who comes in, and we have a high quality control. None of this pre-packaged frappucino McCafe bullshit. Plus, we're the go-to place if you want fresh, steaming, hot gossip with your coffee. 

I'll take the beach on any kind of day.

I am reading Pride and Prejudice and Zombies right now. Or, rather, I was, but I can't get past page 100. I was so excited to buy the book and finally get to read it. Dude! It's my favorite book ever, with ZOMBIES! How can you go wrong.


Well, Seth Grahame-Smith did it. He went wrong.

I'm going to try and finish this book and then post a full summary of why I don't like this book. But I have to finish it. It'd only be fair.

My laptop has been infected by a virus. It will not function anymore.

So. Annoying.

Are you fucking shitting me?

A very close friend of my family died of cancer last week, and we're all attending the funeral, which prompted this conversation:

Mom (after hearing Dad sighing loudly in another room): Buddy! Stop breathing!
Me: MOM! If he stops breathing, that's one more funeral we'll have to buy clothes for. Fuck! Forget his funeral, if he's dead, he can't be pallbearer for [family friend's] funeral!
Mom: He can too. We'll pose him after rigor mortis sets in and prop him under the coffin.
Me: So what, we'll just move his legs along?
Dad (overhearing): No, just plant one of Mark's skateboards under me and give me a push.
Me: Ooh! We can attach Smokey's leash to the skateboard and have him tug.
Dad: Right, like that would work. The moment he got outside he'd be running around the hearse waiting for the driver to open the door so he can climb in and get a car ride.
Mom: yeah, and he'd get nose prints all over the back window of the hearse.
Dad: And he'd probably try to open the coffin like he does the beer cooler looking for ice.

_Offbeat family? party of Four? Your seats in Hell have just opened up.

I can unwrap a Starburst with my tongue. And I can tie cherry stems, but a lot of people can do that.

The dog taught himself how to open a beer cooler earlier this evening.

I don't have a problem with it at all, but it's still amusing as hell to me that T-Pain is attending the CMT Awards. I'm trying to find out who he produces in the Country Biz, or if he just likes award shows.

I finished watching all three seasons of The Venture Brothers, so I decided to go back and watch the episodes with commentary.

It's really funny to listen to Doc and Jackson during The Family That Slays Together Part II. It goes something like "The fans just will not get it. #24 is dead. He's not coming back. That was not another henchman who looks like 24. It's #24 and he is dead!".

Oh poor #24.  Why did you buckle the seat belt?

My crush, yesterday, when we were out at lunch:

"Hell no I don't want to leave a carbon footprint ... I want to leave a fucking carbon CRATER!"

God dammit, I'm so sick of all this "Adam didn't win because he's gay and America can't handle that!" bullshit. Maybe the voters wanted someone who could make an emotional connection and work the stage without make-up and costumes and hamming-it-up tactics. Get over it, and acknowledge that both finalists were incredibly talented guys in their own way.

So Kate Gosselin is blaming the media and paparazzi for driving away friends and family, and saying that it's hard to be in the spotlight. And I will concur that. Funny thing is though, I've never heard anything unkind or detrimental in the media about the Rolloffs (Little People, Big World) or the Duggars (Eighteen and Counting). The Duggars are a glaring example because at first their Quiverful Lifestyle horrified so many people and yet they've managed to win over an audience, unlike Jon and Kate who started off with everyone rooting for them and let it blow up.

I don't think I'm going anywhere with this, I am just observing.

Actual phone conversation today at work:

me: M*****'s Coffee, how can I help you?
customer: Yes, this is Ashley from over at [local restaurant]. I'm actually sending someone to pick up my drink, but he's coffee illiterate, so I'm going to order it now.
Me: Sure, go right ahead.
Ashley: Okay, I want a Venti Java Chip Frappucino
...
Me: Ma'am, that's Starbucks.
.... Long pause.
Ashley: Oh. Well, I guess just a Mocha Frappucino then.
Me: Okay, a mocha FRAAAAAPEEEEE, would you like small or large?
Ashley: Um, large, with a double shot of espresso.
Me: ma'am, it already comes with two shots in it, do you want two more?
Ashley: it comes with espresso already? okay. then just whipped cream, and you still have those chocolate coconut things to put in the drink, right?
Me: Ma'am, that's also Starbucks.

When the guy came in, he had a piece of paper with her order on it. It read like this: "Venti Java Chip Frapachino. 2 shots Expresso."

If I were a bitch, I would tell everyone how stupid this girl is. I'm still tempted.

This guy. is driving me. out. of. my. mind.